For a while I hoped that as soon as I have realized something that does work in my life it gets automatically fixed. Then I thought that by finding ‘solutions’ to my problems would fix the issue all together.
Well, I painfully realized that it simply does not work that way. There is not quick fix in Life.
At times, I am so fed up with how dysfunctional I exist that I do not want to deal with myself any more. But then, it only gets worse. Like an unattended wound, it gets infected and eventually I am in so much pain that there is nothing else to do but deal with it. Here comes another layer.
I know better now.
It is not going to get fixed this time either.
But I will get a little bit freer by healing the cut. A the same time, I still need tremendous amount of patience and acceptance to embrace the suck to come.
And so there is HOPE.
Recently it has been bad.
I have been angry, fed up, impatient, judgmental, resistant, etc.
Then, one day, I woke and felt the Grace of Hope. I made contact. I asked for help. I received it. I support myself. Others support me. There is a movement of Spirit.
Another layer is about to fall off.
Hope is like a Light shining in a dark place. As we look into the Light of the first candle on the Advent Wreath, we celebrate Hope that is stirred within us. As we are approaching the darkest day of the year, we yearn to see and feel the Light within. There is a deep sense of longing to know that there is an end to the darkness, that the layers will all fall off one day, that I will stand free and GOD IS.
And it is only the start of the Advent Season.
God Bless us all!