Author Archives: ildiko

Surrender

What is surrender? In the dictionary, the meaning of surrender is to give up. This meaning can be misleading. We all usually go about life trying to control what should or should not happen to us, what we should or … Continue reading

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Miss sassy

As I was dusting off those long forgotten parts of me, I discovered my little hidden treasures. I realized that it is not only that I am passionate about drawing and cartoons but I am one of them! I am actually full of … Continue reading

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The season of Epiphany – an invitation

Epiphany (Greek: επιφάνεια, “the appearance; miraculous phenomenon”) is a Christian feast intended to celebrate the ‘shining forth’ or revelation of God to mankind in human form, in the person of Jesus. The observance had its origins in the eastern Christian … Continue reading

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On meditation

“If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink.” (John 7:37) With reference to “If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink.” Beas mentions the Nectar and the cup that could hold the Nectar if … Continue reading

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Love

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; … Continue reading

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Amazing Grace

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Harmony and unison

 

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LAF workbook exercises

Through meditation, journaling and LAF, you will begin to open to the Loving that is inside of you; the fears and judgments will slip away and you will begin to live, more and more, the Loving that you truly are. … Continue reading

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Mary did you know?

“Mary Did You Know” (originally by Mark Lowry (lyrics) and Buddy Greene (melody)) Mary, did you know that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water? Mary, did you know that your Baby Boy would save our sons and … Continue reading

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Walk in or without God

Faith Without Works Is Dead “What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, … Continue reading

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Experiencing God’s Loving

You’ve got to go in and find the Love of your own soul and merge into that Loving of your own soul. Then open and allow God’s Loving in so that you and God experience the union, the Loving once … Continue reading

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Letting go and accepting

I have been pushing this for a long time. I have been trying to make FW my home. I have gone extensive length with zero result. ‘It is obvious now that our relationship is based on false pretenses. I pretended … Continue reading

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Note to self

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” ― C.G. Jung

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Assignment No.I – Conclusion

Conclusion On a practical note I wish to mention that reading St. John is inconclusive because the book Light on St. John did not follow all the chapters of the original text from the Bible all the way through. Beas’s … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 17

Chapter 17 In this Chapter Jesus talks to God asking Him to take care of his disciples after he is gone. He is praying that God would glorify him aka taking him back to Him and glorify his disciples, too. … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 16

Chapter 16 In this chapter Jesus continues on explaining what is happening after his departure with the disciples. “They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 15

Chapter 15 This chapter continues on from the previous chapter. In this chapter Jesus clearly states what the commandment is, what it is that he asks of his disciples. He also clarifies the meaning of discipleship. He also warns the … Continue reading

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One Path

In the light of recent events in the world, I was delighted to read this passage by Beas, “It is simple logic that if the Lord is one and He is within every on of us and if we have … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 14

Chapter 14 In this chapter Jesus affirms his soon departure and reunification with the Father. He is consoling his disciples and reassuring them that they will not be alone after his death, he talks about his successor and the importance … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 13

Chapter 13 In this chapter Jesus reminds his disciples of the one commandment he has shared with them: to love one another as he loved them. He also shares about his soon departure and his successor who would take care … Continue reading

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The beauty of letting go

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 12

Chapter 12 This chapter talks about Jesus attending the Passover feast. This chapter is also a beautiful collection of Jesus messages about what his mission is by being amongst the Jews; his relationship with the Father; how to attain everlasting … Continue reading

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For Fun!

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 11

Chapter 11 This chapter is about the resurrection of Lazarus and the decision of the Pharisees that they would capture Jesus and put him to death. As I was reading this chapter I found it very hard to believe that … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 10

Chapter 10 This chapter is about how a disciple can recognise the true and ‘good’ Shepherd. It describes the Shepherd’s responsibilities in the disciples’ development on the path. “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that entereth not by the … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 9

Chapter 9 This chapter is about Jesus’ encounter with the blind man. The parable in this chapter is about seeing clearly in God and being blind in the world. “Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but … Continue reading

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Needs and being in service

This morning I had a thought about needs. I came to the conclusion that I put others’ needs before mines are met because I don’t think that I can meet mine (the reason behind it is different for all of … Continue reading

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Unforgiven

I feel depleted, resourceless and empty. I have nothing to offer. I hang on to this extremely unhealthy environment trying to fix it, organize it, hold it together. Helplessly. I have completely forgotten about myself. I am surrounded with needy people … Continue reading

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Being heard and needs met

I am shaking with fear, frustration, anger and a sense of helplessness. How loud will I need to be this time so to be heard? As if I was an invisible water bubble hanging from the ceiling, nobody notices my … Continue reading

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Love Is a Fire, Vol.2

REFLECTIONS Love Is a Fire: The Sufi’s Mystical Journey Home My intention with reading this book is to gain a deeper understanding of the Sufi tradition, its teachings, some of the Sufi Mystics, and practices in order to support my … Continue reading

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Awakening Is a Destructive Process by Greg Calise

Make no bones about it, awakening is not a walk in the park. It is a ride through hell. It is the tearing down of all of your cherished beliefs and everything you thought about yourself. There is no way … Continue reading

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Georges Bataille

“The truth is paradoxical to the extent of being exactly contrary to the usual perception.” – Georges Bataille

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Tolle

“As far as inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anybody else. All you can do is create a space for transformation to … Continue reading

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da Vinci

“I awoke, only to find the rest of the world still sleeping.” – Leonardo daVinci

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You must die to live – an article

extracts Awakening is not a walk in the park. It is a ride through hell. It is the tearing down of all of your cherished beliefs and everything you thought about yourself. There is no way around this. We must … Continue reading

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Enlightenment

“Enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It’s seeing through the facade of pretense. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 8

Chapter 8 This chapter is about Jesus’s argument with the Jews. All through this chapter Jesus tries to convince the Jews that he is of Abraham and the other prophets but they don’t seem to understand him. As I was … Continue reading

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Love Is a Fire, Vol.1

REFLECTIONS Love Is a Fire: The Sufi’s Mystical Journey Home My intention with reading this book is to gain a deeper understanding of the Sufi tradition, its teachings, some of the Sufi Mystics, and practices in order to support my … Continue reading

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Common Sense

Joe Miller said that there are four qualities necessary for spiritual life. The first is common sense, the second is common sense, the third is sense of humor. When he was asked what is the fourth quality, he replied laughing, … Continue reading

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21 06 “I can’t tell anyone, hence I tell everyone”

As I was walking home from walking 🙂 and was watching the waves licking the stone shore soft, I realized that though I am at the wrong place again with some unknown reason, I am still at the best possible place … Continue reading

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A helpless creature

A helpless creature at the mercy of the universe. That is the result of a decade of contemplation. Fabulous! Apparently the journey is about self-discovery – with a slight twist, obviously. Self-discovery actually means that you eventually meet a monster … Continue reading

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Fear and helplessness

Fear has a strange effect on people. As we all very well know, fear stems from our sense of separation, a sense of loneliness, desertedness or godlessness. We feel utterly vulnerably in an unpredictable and cruel world that only there … Continue reading

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The helpless competent

It is a rather sad existence when you lose your illusions of who you think you are. Particularly when you think that you are some hot-shot almighty. A Self running on the fuel of a sense of helplessness and defencelessness … Continue reading

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Worthiness

I am reading Love Is a Fire: The Sufi’s Mystical Journey Home by Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee.  So, Love is supposed to be a fiery love affair. Well, I don’t believe in “the artful postures of Love”.  I do not see or experience … Continue reading

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5.06 “I can’t tell anyone, hence I tell everyone”

Law of attraction – What I hate I attract. Here we go again! This morning I was talking about the law of attraction or Murphy’s Law, we attract what we focus on the most. As evidence shows, I must focus … Continue reading

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3.06 “I can’t tell anyone, hence I tell everyone”

I have realized that in some way I am at fault. I am creating this mess around me. Not sure how though. I keep on trying to create a so-called inter-supportive relationships where both our strength are maximized by combined … Continue reading

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Remembering the teachings

Let Go, Let God …Look for the purple light, be open to the feelings of peace, trust that inner knowing…It’s time you start really honouring that, and honouring yourself…that’s how you really do let go, and then that gives God … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 7

Chapter 7 This Chapter is about Jesus’s visit and preaching at the Feast of the Tabernacles in Galilee. Here he explains the difference between a true teacher, a God-sent mystic and a self-made one who only seeks his own glory. … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 6

Chapter 6 This chapter explains the meaning of a teacher – who can be a teacher at a point in time – discusses discipleship, and offers thoughts on the deeper meaning of the teachings. At the beginning of the chapter … Continue reading

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29.05. “I can’t tell anyone, hence I tell everyone”

Dream I am feeling rather worried. I tried but could hardly medi this morning. I was looking forward to our LAFing but nobody was available this morning to listen to my whining. Must be a sign … what do all … Continue reading

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One decision

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26.05 “I can’t tell anyone, hence I tell everyone”

A Letter … Over all, it feels as if I am in some kind of a waiting again. I am rather relaxed about it all. I am not anxious, I simply don’t care much what happens. It is very uncomfortable … Continue reading

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24.05 “I can’t tell anyone, hence I tell everyone”

Vibrations I am amazed to see how well I surround myself with abuse. Probably, the saddest thing is that it is set up in an invisible pattern of events, stimuli and responses. Nobody notices. Some completely ignore it, not even noticing the … Continue reading

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Courage <3

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22.5 “I can’t tell anyone, hence I tell everyone”

This morning This morning during my meditation I felt a strong need for closeness, being held and embraced in kind arms. I just wanted to experience some safety in the mist of this confusion and aimlessness I am going through. … Continue reading

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My reflection

Here we go again. Journeying on, on Hell’s roller coaster. Here comes again, another round of disaster for the sake of salvation. Though we have moved countries and over 2000 kilometres, we haven’t moved and inch. Here I am surrounded with … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 5

Chapter 5 This chapter is about initiation. In this chapter Jesus explains clearly the basics of the path: his role, his relationship with the Father, what it means to be initiated and what the path actually involves in simple terms. … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 4

Chapter 4 This chapter is about the importance of the initiation and meditation practice. The beginning of this Chapter follows upon the discussion of our inherent longing for God started at the previous Chapter. As far as I understand longing … Continue reading

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Diary of MS, Vol.2

Thoughts on discipleship, service and ministerial studies @ the BoL 3/6/2016, I decided to create a diary for my journey of the ministerial studies. I suppose this can be part of my assignments because these posts are accounts of my … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 3

Chapter 3 This chapter discusses what initiation and being reborn in Spirit mean. It also reveals the role of the teacher in more detail and what it means to walk the Path. This chapter also reveals the nature of the … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 2

Chapter 2 This chapter is about the meaning of miracles and Jesus’s response to the greedy merchants in the temple. Miracles, to me, used to be about deeds that an ordinary human being cannot achieve. According to Beas Mystics or … Continue reading

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Plan of God vs Plan of man!

https://www.facebook.com/thedoctorasky/videos/1109122919155283/

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The Maze

It is like a maze without and exit, for most of us, anyway. We are going around, lost within its patterns, on the tiny paths. It keeps us amazed and hopeful at every turn, that there might be an exit … Continue reading

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The shadow side

“…Working on the shadow side takes such commitment and time. Often there seems to be so little change, just the uncovering of even deeper problems, deeper pain, more intense feelings of isolation, rejection, abandonment – whatever are the feelings hidden … Continue reading

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Why don’t you lift me out?

So, it is all my fault. Somewhere along the way I lost track of the Path I left your Garden Now I wonder aimlessly in the wilderness. You seem to have lost track of me, too! Have you not noticed? … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I – Chapter 1

Chapter 1 To my understanding, the first chapter of Light on St. John by Radha Beas’s as well as John 1:1 – 1:51 from the Bible is an introduction to Jesus’s basic teachings and it provides with some basic information … Continue reading

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Assignment No.I introduction

Assignment No.I Task: Summary of the book What I learnt form the book How I integrate what I learnt from the book into my ministership Radha Soamin Satsang Beas – Light on Saint John, 1967, and Gospel according to Saint … Continue reading

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The meaning of Life

“The spiritual awakening is the most essential thing in man’s life, and it is the sole purpose of being.” Khalil Gibran “We came not into this life by exile, but we came as innocent creatures of God, to learn how … Continue reading

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Diary of MS, Vol.1

Thoughts on discipleship, service and ministerial studies @ the BoL Today, I decided to create a diary for my journey of the ministerial studies. I suppose this can be part of my assignments because these posts are accounts of my … Continue reading

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B. Gilman: God’s alive and well

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You’ve got a friend!

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Hafiz, the master poet

Today is Valentine’s Day and I was wondering what it is I could do to make myself of my own Valentine? So, I decided to read some ‘Love’ poems. As I was wondering whose poetry to indulge into, the first … Continue reading

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I heard you Calling

I heard you Calling I called back. You don’t seem to have heard my response Am I not loud enough for you? YES! DO YOU HEAR ME? I SAID, YES. I said, yes, and I mean it. I am not … Continue reading

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Messiah

“Right now I’m his apostle, but my dream is to someday be my own Messiah.” Source

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My wicked spirituality

Everything is perfect. When Louise said this, I realized that hearing that phrase is like hearing that everything happens for a reason. It’s a tough message to swallow when faced with tragedy or deep pain of any kind. But, by … Continue reading

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HEARTBREAK

is unpreventable; the natural outcome of caring for people and things over which we have no control, of holding in our affections those who inevitably move beyond our line of sight. Heartbreak begins the moment we are asked to let … Continue reading

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The lessons to learn

In the past few weeks, I have been scanning and reading my old diaries from 35 to 10/15 years ago. Though many things have changed since then, actually nothing has changed. The main troubles and issues of mine are exactly … Continue reading

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Khalil Gibran@Large

“Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.” ‘Life is naked’ “Why do you draw bodies always naked?” Haskell is said to have asked him. Gibran answered: “because … Continue reading

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Gethsemane

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Psalm 139

Psalm 139 New International Version (NIV) For the director of music. Of David. A psalm. 1 You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from … Continue reading

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TRUST

“Those who trust in the Lord will be like a tree planted by the water.” (Jer 17:8-NIV) 7″Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD. 8″For he will be like a tree planted by … Continue reading

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M. Robinson: Deeper

“As a person goes deeper inside themself…, they will meet egoic mind in it’s totality. Then, just before the person drops the whole of their identity and beliefs of separateness, boredom will present itself. It is the last argument of … Continue reading

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My Gratitude Protfolio

  “She beautifies my disillusioned brain. She’s like my fairy godmother. … ‘This is the best day of my life. I’m a genius. I love people and people love me. I never criticize, condemn, or complain. Everyone I meet today is … Continue reading

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The Adventure of Lent

Did you know that the origin of Lent was really about spending 40 days contemplating and ‘choosing your own adventure’? When I originally started thinking about Len, my first thoughts were, obviously, about what to give up for this Lenten … Continue reading

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Take me to church

Sergei Polunin, “Take Me to Church” by Hozier, Directed by David LaChapelle

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Pain and the glass-ball

I have been having this unbearable pain that feels as if someone was sitting on my chest making me suffocate slowly for a while. It is so beyond bearable that I went to see a neurologist and ended up taking … Continue reading

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Just thoughts …

I am resigned, submissive and acquiescent. I fight no more. I can’t make a difference, what is more, I can’t even say full-heartedly that there is a need for any change. Who am I to imply that, anyway? The meek, the blessed … Continue reading

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My shit, your shit

We all deal with some shit. It occasionally looks enormous, and sometimes we do not even notice its existence. However, the more you dig into your own shit to see what it is made of, the more you realize its … Continue reading

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Brian Yeakey and ILM

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I am sorry! Please, forgive me!

It all started before I was born. I failed many people. I did not keep to my word and I could help them reach Nirvana. Upon dying I was struggling with immense amount of guilt, a sense of incompletion and … Continue reading

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The Lion and the Lamb

Isaiah 11:6 The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them. Isaiah 65:25 The wolf … Continue reading

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Birthday reminder from a dear friend

My dear!! Be happy as you are! Keep on searching, sharing, expanding, loving, inspiring… Stay young, free and centered to yourself and balance it with some roots (anywhere I want) to have yourself even more earthy, joyful and wise! I … Continue reading

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Reflections

We are limited reflections to one another. We reflect our stubborness in our limitations. I am stubborn and unwilling to enter the Grace of God and stay there. She is stubborn and unwilling to let of the illusion that she is … Continue reading

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It won’t hurt, don’t be afraid!

I just would like you to consider what I tell you. I don’t want you to act in accordance with my words. Don’t be afraid, my words don’t hurt. Neither will your actions if you align them with your own … Continue reading

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My failed experiment

I am running away … I am turning away from God because I am not fit for his path. I am turning away from God because when I look around and I don’t see anybody like me. Not because I am … Continue reading

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My normal life

I am just so tired of talking and writing about the same shit. It keeps on being the same thing, somehow: I am upset, angry and feeling helpless when it comes to any change. When I talk to others, I … Continue reading

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Loved

You don’t love me! I am feeling unlovable as if fallen out of favour for a life time. I am feeling betrayed and rejected. Half of humanity rejects me out of fear of the unknown, the different. The other half … Continue reading

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My abnormal life

So what is there to say when your life is falling apart and though I know it is for the best, living a life that has no coherence in it, is rather challenging. If I could chose, I would want … Continue reading

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Fear and Love

“We attract the same energy we give out. …” Well, I am puzzled. The experiences I have been having these past two days are rather odious. I started advertizing a program I am supposed to run and a lady started … Continue reading

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It just somehow feels right …

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