This morning I realized that I am so not done with control. Though I am not in control but I pretend I am. So pathetic! I am so so scared to let go! It feels like jumping off a cliff with this fear of height inside of me tearing me apart. It feels like suicide. Allowing something, somebody outside (?) of me controlling what happens to me? Nonsense! As long as I am in control I am alive. I am also very aware that this is my greatest limitation as well.
I watched Terminal (Tom Hanks, Steven Spielberg) last night and realized what a blessing it is when one can live without control, going with the flow. What an amazing life! What amazing experiences one can have when there is no expectations or control involved. It may look challenging at times from the outside, but simply the attitude of allowing and going with what there is without any resistance somehow makes lives full and sort of worth living.
I wish I can be like him, Viktor, the main character. He is honest, does not argue, and waits patiently for the moment to come when he can do what he is there to do. Until then, he focuses simply on what life brings into his life from moment to moment, no plans, he just says YES to each moment.
Well … something to strive for!