I have recently noticed that I just want time to pass. I constantly count down the minutes and the days. Each morning I wake up, I just cannot wait for the day to end. For a few decades I hoped that the next day would bear more fruit. By now, I have learnt that life runs on its own course, it has its own agenda, and takes no interference. Life is Fate.
The power of Fate is portrayed so beautifully in Romeo and Juliet. My favourite version is ‘Shakespeare in Love’.
In some ways, it is freeing to know that there is nothing I can do to ‘change’ my life. I have tried. I simply realized that it is actually not my life. It is a life, I suppose, I agreed to live in a state of trance.
After all, it is nice that I have nothing to consider any more. I do not have to be good by the standards of the world. I do not have to be on a diet. I do not have to agree with anything or anyone. I can be rude and disagreeable. I can act weird. It makes no difference. My only job is to get the best scores out of the cards I am dealt and wait for the party to end.
Each time, I am allowed to peek out from behind the clouds of this miserable existence, I am grateful. I understand, however, that it is only for ‘a stolen season’. It is only for moments when I know that I am more than this miniature and miserable human with all its fears and flaws.
After all, it is liberating to know that this is just a bad dream and one ‘day’ I can awake from it. I am promised in the writings that the day will come when I will be released back into the great Me.
I may not be able to live who I am this life-time. It is rather likely, actually. Still, I am grateful to know that there is nothing I need to do, achieve, accomplish, contribute, etc., in order to be considered worthy of return. It is my birth-right.