My personal wall

My personally built wall that I placed between you and me is made of anger and bitterness.

I feel that you let me down at that very time I needed you the most. And now you ask me to trust your guidance and presence. You ask me to rely on your word as something greater than life itself.

I built the wall when you were not there. I built it so to protect myself because there was nobody there to protect me and the world was upon me to get me.

This wall is made of all the pain and anguish I experienced while standing alone and helpless in a cruel world you descended me into.

My wall is firm and protective – and preventive. It protects me from a world that once tried to diminish me. It is unbreakable. It prevents all that is outside of it from entering into my personal space.

You are locked out as well.

Though I have started to take the wall down brick by brick and started building something more lasting; still, I must say,  the wall that once protected me is still there, somewhere, intact. I bring it back to life as soon as I feel forgotten and lonely in a dark world of shame and anger.

I know you are ever there; sometimes I just don’t see you.
You say we have an ever lasting connection; sometimes I just don’t feel it.

I am building a bridge over this wall of mine; sometimes hopelessly slowly.
My faith is weak and lets me down when I still believe that you were not there when I needed you … probably you were and it was all just a bad dream…

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