Never look back

Gen  19: “16 But he lingered; and the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters, Jehovah being merciful unto him; and they brought him forth, and set him without the city.17 And it came to pass, when they had brought them forth abroad, that he said, Escape for thy life; look not behind thee, neither stay thou in all the Plain; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed.24 Then Jehovah rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from Jehovah out of heaven;25 and he overthrew those cities, and all the Plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.26 But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.”

What keeps on bringing me back here in the valley of doom and despair?

Each time I look, I became a pillar of salt, back where I started

And still, I keep looking back – but why? What makes it so hard to keep my gaze upon where I am heading; the new life that is waiting for me beyond the horizon

For a long time I thought that it is my family, that they need me and my nation that I can enlighten with my charisma and good deeds

Oh, I know it so well, it is all me, after all. It is only the picture I hold of myself, frozen into a pillar of salt, that I can’t leave behind

The bleeding martyr, the Jean D’Arc inside of me

Who am I if I am not this person who I thought I was? I keep on looking back over my shoulder, holding onto this image I created around myself long ago

Who am I if I am not the statue of Goodness, the saviour of many?

It’s time to take a leap of faith and though the road ahead is not paved just yet, I take that leap without looking back upon what is behind me, focusing merely on what’s ahead even though it is not apparent just yet what it maybe

Who I was does not exist any more, only in my looking-back, who I am is awaiting to be discovered trough my faith in the unknown

pillar of salt

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