It is not that I want to dwell too much on the fact that I am often considered a persona-non-grata, particularly among my family members. It is much more about expressing decades of hurt feelings and having been told what an unbearable human being I was.
Even though, I am aware and in agreement with the fact that we all attract experiences into our lives that we need to ‘have’ in order to remove all blockages and debris from the road to God, the pain is still real.
Having listened to and fought others’ constant disagreement with everything I am, I stand for, I do or do not do made me very angry, particularly because I lost most of my fights.
Looking at my life I can see clearly how I fought, lost then fled each time I could not uphold my ‘opinion’. I could never win anyway. Understandably. I am too odd, to begin with. Then I am too upfront and forward. Then there is this courageous and bolshie part of me. ‘We’ make sure that I stand out.
All that I have written so far, I take full responsibility for. Though others play their parts in my circus, it is my show entirely. Participants and spectators only help me become aware of my own self-rejection, that is the source of all my pain.
Whit Sunday is just around the corner and I wondered how to celebrate it.
In my view, each religious celebration, let it be Christian or other, is an opportunity to become more aware and say good-bye to parts of our consciousness that do not serve us anymore.
We are in the season of Pentecost that is also called the fifty-days of Easter. It is celebrated on the seventh Sunday after Easter and it commemorates the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the Apostles and other followers of Jesus Christ.
Pentecost (the 50 days of Easter) is a special time ending on Whit Sunday. It is not by accident that most religious holidays last for weeks ending in a celebration. During these seasons of faith, believers are asked again and again to scrupulously explore their consciousness and clear out all silvered mirrors in order to be able to stand face-to-face with what is real and what isn’t.
Pentecost is special because the Holy Spirit can only descent on the chosen ones. Being chosen is not a privilege but a self-selection. One decides and commits fully to the path of revelations and constant change. Not many can do that. Life with the endless movement of Spirit is an uncomfortable and uncertain one because the seeker does not have much choice in where Spirit takes him/her.
I have stated my understanding of the next ‘layer’ of my distorted consciousness above. In my pain and anger, I am asking the Holy Spirit of God to bless me and release me from this bondage (karma) of being a persona-no-grata, the unwanted one, so I can become more of the Love and Kindness that God has bestowed upon me. I am, after all, a joyful, courageous and beautiful Soul of God who loves all. So it is. Amen.