It is funny when I think and truly believe that the decision is mine I suddenly realize that it has never been mine. At some point it was my parents, then my teachers, then my boyfriends’ then… There was always somebody knowing better what is good for me or reminding me what behaviour of mine would be better or more convenient for others.
So I either gave into others’ influence or made others more important than myself.
It is just an observation, may not have anything to do with the higher truth of all matters of my life.
I just learnt from experience that whenever I went with my decision there was always somebody there highly opposing and trying to manipulate me into another way. And they often found my weak spots and I let go of my decision and went with what was suggested instead.
There is nothing wrong with any of that because all road leads to Rome. It is just interesting to see how my life is made of a tapestry of different threads. So I like colours; not all of them, not all the time … I fight less; I observe more so to see what special patters of material these all going to make at the end.
At the end of the day I make the decisions because it is me who takes the responsibility for it; it does not really matter how I got to it; it is only information for myself.