We all deal with some shit. It occasionally looks enormous, and sometimes we do not even notice its existence. However, the more you dig into your own shit to see what it is made of, the more you realize its basic elements. Eventually, you come to see he sticky soil the makes up the web of your life. Some call it fate. Some call it Karma. Some call it misfortune. Some, simply, call it life. No matter how you call it, it only has one reason to its existence to ‘teach’ you about Love.
I know it sounds weird to say that your ‘shit’ is your greatest teacher, but actually this is the truth. Have you ever noticed the patterns that makes your daily life? Starting with the way you get out of bed. Are you excited to start your day? How do you start your day? With struggle and unease or with a smile? Do you start your day with meditation or coffee? How much of God’s Life Force do you allow to rush through you or do you replace it with caffeine?
With each drop of awareness you can go deeper into the material of your shit. If you start observing yourself like a investigative hawk, not missing a beat, you soon start to realize the one main vain that feeds all the other little ones, the artery that feeds every thought and action in your daily life.
So, what is it that runs you? What is this image that you hold so true to yourself that under no circumstances, even on your deathbed, you find challenging to release? Are you Lancelot, the gloomy knight, who vowed to protect the kingdom but never to be appreciated for it?
Or, are you the stubborn ox who knows it all but deep inside you feel insecure and lost all the time?
Or, are you the princess who spends her whole life waiting for the prince to safe you from the doom of your environment and the people who don’t seem to understand your fragile nature?
I am the repenting martyr. I believe that God has turned away from me. My shit revolves around sin and punishment. Somewhere deep inside of me- my artery – I am convinced that I must have done something wrong, at some point of my life (either this or in a previous one) and so I am doomed for this lifetime. My version of punishment is to serve others without any reward whatsoever. My shit tells me not to dare take care of myself or accept any support until I am done repenting. So, I live my life in the purgatory waiting for redemption that never comes.
So what’s the learning in Love for me? My redemption – the Love I wish to receive – is forgiveness that does not seem to come, no matter how hard I try and please the Gods with my good deeds. It is because I expect it from the wrong source. I am waiting for God to forgive me. However, it is actually me who cannot forgive myself and so to release myself from living in my shit.