It was just so easy. I can still hardly believe it!

I just made the call.

Note: it took me two days to get there. I spent two days in doom and gloom, not having faith at all that it can turn out to be all right.

She was kind, easy, responsive, courteous, customer oriented – as she was following the rules of the big book of perfection.

I got my smile back to my face after two days of misery I had sentenced myself suffering by simply refusing to see the greater picture. I assumed that Life hates me and wants to take my little toy away from me. I thinking in terms of loss rather than faith; faith in the making of all things.

I hope that I will always remember this moment, and hold it as a reference point for the future – I am not meant to be punished or deprived of my little pleasures and joys of Life. I may just be asked to let go of my little detachments of how Life should look like.

This time I was simply tested of how far I have come. And I failed gravely.  I am attahced as ever to my little toys and grant ideas of a perfect life.

At the same time, what happened made me think about ease&grace. I heard so much about it and still it is something that I don’t know too much about. I dont know what it means living with ease&grace. I know of hardship, working things out, finding it out and carry it all on your own.

I wonder how could life appear to be easier and lighter?

*Ask questions! Learn about something before you lunch yourself into it!

**Ok, what kind of a question would I ask? I don’t have a question to ask.

Sadly I realized that I had stopped asking questions. At a time when I realized that there is nobody to answer my questions. And it must have been trillions of ages ago.

And so I became self-sufficient. Like the song goes I listed to so many times as a small child – “Rock yourself to sleep, rock yourself to sleep; there is nobody around to rock you, so rock yourself to sleep …”

I don’t have questions to ask because I don’t form them any more. I have all the answers, or if I don’t, I will have them when I get there where I need them.

Some would say I have a lot of faith in life. But this is not the case. It is not that I believe in anything but that I just know that I will solve all issues that I ever encounter. I can always rely on myself. I learnt to ‘rock myslef to sleep’ early on.

Hard, hard, hard.

Complicated, complicated, complicated.

Self-sufficient, self-sufficient, self-sufficient.

So, now, lets me think – what question could I ask, hm?


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