Advent Week 2 – Peace

I am at Peace, I have no more demands.

God does not live in the Heavens. He does not guide us, neither does S/He give instructions on how to live our lives. That God only exists in our distorted imagination.

However, it is perfectly understandable that we spend precious time and effort in ‘creating’ a father/mother figure outside of us, sitting up in the Heavens lovingly guiding our life; to whom we can confide in and who in response forgives us and tells us what the correct way of living, thinking and breathing is. Most of us need this loving parent whom we desperately missed as children.

Throughout history, each religion created its own God. They all serve the same purpose: God fulfils our desire to be loved and cared for unconditionally. Except, each religion requests its members to believe in the particularly image of God.

In our bigotry  we believe in One Particular Image of God and not noticing that each vision of God is just as false as the other, at the same time, they are entirely the same. They all serve one single purpose: a substitute parent figure. They all are just a fragment of our imagination. It is all just fantasy.

Until recently, I prayed to such a ‘fantasy’ God. I used my image of God to demand and receive guidance and support. My particular image was of a God who led me to find the right job, the right place to live, etc. At least this is what I thought. It all worked perfectly until one day something went really wrong and I felt being let down by my loving Father, by the Entity who was supposed to make sure that no harm befalls me.

In my rage, I demanded an answer. ‘How dare you let me know? How dare you betray me? How could you do this to me, your faithful prodigal son?’

There was no answer and there was nowhere else to turn, either. My imaginary father-figure disappeared. The image I created in my mind was gone. As I was screaming into the dark emptiness His Place left behind, I realized how I betrayed myself by having created this false parent-God.

I came to realize that I had desperately needed a loving parent, someone who guided me, who told me what to do when in doubt, someone who cared about me unconditionally. In my desperation, however, I did not notice how much I deceived myself with this false image of God.

This morning in my meditation, I saw a brilliant and witty but uncontrollable man and a woman suffering his tempers and tantrums. Then, I saw a young woman hiding in a dark room, peeking outside through a crack on the blinds covering the windows. If all these figures are different aspects of my-self what do they want to tell me? I realized how much I was afraid of my own uncontrollable self, how much I needed a loving and understanding parent because the parents I grew up with and internalized were weak and punishing.

I am supposed to be my own loving parent and council even though I do not know exactly what the hack I am supposed to do. Parenting and guiding is not God’s job.

I know and experience that the Truth of God resides within me. God’s Essence is who I am. I am a unique spark of God. I am God in my Essence. This is no Fantasy. Each time I close my eyes and look within I can see the Spark and the Essence of Who I am.

My journey Home is no longer about finding God residing in a High Place. My journey is no longer about finding an unconditionally loving parent.

My journey, from now on, is to connect with my God-Self and to Honour the opportunity that I can be of God consciously.

two candles