Category: COACHING/PD

The Forgiveness Process

When we don’t forgive and let go of the past, we keep on re-living it.

It means that each time we are in a ‘similar’ situation to the event that once caused us distress, we keep on re-living it by being reminded of that event in the present. Until we forgive and let go of what happened in the past, our responses are tinted with the emotions generated in the past. 

For example, if you had a challenging relationship with your father, it is likely that you will bring many emotions and beliefs you created as a result of that relationship about men into every relationship you have with men. You cannot see them for who they are because you place some of the beliefs and emotions created in the past on your eyes like a pair of tinted glasses.  

Forgiveness is something I call Grace-Tool for Self. Forgiveness is not about judging others’ actions and graciously ‘forgiving’ their wrong-doing. In the process of forgiveness we move through different stages until we arrive to a new level of freedom.

First, we need to accept what happened just as it was. We need clarity on it. We connect with God or the Divine Presence and embrace the experience just as we had it, as we remember it. We simply accept that this event occurred and that we were part of that experience. No blaming, no shaming.

I am aware that it is easier said than done, but without this first part of the process, forgiveness cannot happen. What you want is to remove the emotional charge from the event.

This is what I do: I say to myself:  I can see clearly what happened. This… and this… and this … happened. I stop blaming myself and others in this situation. I am ready to let it all go so I can become freer in myself and happier in my life experiences. 

When you feel, that you are aware of and in total acceptance – not making it right or justifying! –  of that particular event that you wish to forgive and release, you can move into forgiving.

Forgiving has two parts:

  1. We must forgive our participation and contribution to the event that occurred, first. I look at where I judge myself for creating the experiences for myself. I also look at the feelings and emotions I generated during the event and forgive them.  I use this sentence and fill in the end until I feel complete. “I forgive myself for judging myself for …” I look at different aspects of my ‘contribution’ to this event and my experiences of this event. I keep on doing this until I feel that the emotional charge start to dissipate.
  2.  The second part is the letting go part. I consciously move into detaching myself – mostly emotionally – from the event. I look at others’ participation, and what I blame them for. Then I consciously release the way I see their actions and participation to my destress. With that I leave the past event behind me. I say to myself: (in case someone else is involved in this event) I do not know why you did (…) and why you said (…). It is yours to handle. I acted to the best of my abilities at the time.  I detach myself from this event on all levels: mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. I accept what happened. I stop feeling a victim. There is nothing to fix or change with this event any more. I release trying to justify or making it right for myself or others.  I stop blaming myself (and you). I love myself and accept myself (and you). I release all this into the Light of Spirit and ask for total Healing.

By Grace-tool, I mean, that when forgiveness actually happens is not up to us. It is not a decision we can make. We need to keep on doing the forgiveness process until we feel the weight shifted. It is a bit like peeling an onion. When it does, we will experience a change in our responses, feelings, and actions. It is the result of forgiveness-being-done.

Until then, until the forgiveness takes place, we need to keep on going back to the past event and all the emotions, thoughts, feelings and action related to that event and keep on consciously embracing, forgiving and releasing them.

If you need support with the Forgiveness Process, please get in touch. In Loving, Rev Kudlik

Healing with Metaphysics

Anything can be interpreted metaphysically, and by doing so, we can become aware of what stands between us and God or the Divine Presence. Every time we release or heal a blockage we become freer, happier, and lighter.

When our life is ‘challenging’ or we are facing problems, we can sit in the silence and look at what’s happening. Then, we can start ‘interpreting’ the information in terms of messages or learnings. The Spirit of God constantly communicates with us through different means such as life events.

We are always asked not to place any ’emotions’ or ‘attitude’ on the event, instead, look at it as ‘message’. When we react, we do not see clearly. 

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 1 Corinthian 13:12 NLT

It is important to understand that we are not to manipulate or ‘get rid of’ the experience by gaining clarity of the messages. The message is there for us to learn, grow and move into greater freedom in ourselves and a deeper connection with the Divine Presence. 

When we use metaphysical interpretation for any life events, we can get in touch with the key to moving though it and releasing it. Then we will surely find ourselves at a better place in our life.

Let me give you an example. I have a client who is often constipated. He has an obsession with regular bowel movement and often has trouble with his digestive system, stool and bowels to the point that he distorts facts and requests to have an enema to relieve his self-imposed constipation.

Louis L Hay suggests to ask oneself the question “What is it that I cannot digest?’ when it comes to digestive issues.  In my observation, food and the digestive system are also related to nurturing or the lack of. Bowel movement and shifting stool is about releasing unwanted and poisonous elements from our system. Having issues in that area may suggest difficulty in letting go of fossilized, unsupportive thinking patters and belief system. Additionally, requesting that someone else ‘fixes’ the problem suggests an inability or unwillingness to deal with issues at hand.

Constant problems in this area suggests to me that the problem started in childhood around nurturing which was not healed so it became somewhat ‘indigestible’ and became and acute problem. I often find that people with digestive and weight issues have a problem with self-nurturing through eating healthier and taking  care of their bodies in a loving manner. 

Acute digestive system related issues also suggest difficulty in letting go and releasing a particular past events. When that occurs, we drag the past into the present and we ‘react’ from the pain and fear of the past to an event in the present. 

SUGGESTIONS

If it was me, I would start both an inner and outer healing process through meditation, prayer and developing new and healthier habits. I would have a conversation with a therapist, a coach, or a pastor so to gain deeper understanding of what I am dealing with from the past. Then, I would use my prayer time to consciously, forgive and let go of thoughts, beliefs, and emotions associated with that past event or series of events. I would find meditations that help me move through a forgiveness process that is often the key to issues around lack of nurturing. At the end of each meditation and prayer session, I would give it all up and release it all into God or the Divine Presence, asking for support with my process and being lifted higher into greater health and freedom.

At the same time, I would look into – with the support of a coach, therapist or pastor – developing loving ways to nurture myself both inside and out. 

Limitations and Awareness

Self-awareness is KEY to spiritual development and Self-Love

We all see the world through a filter that was mostly created in our childhood until about the age of 7. We created this filter as part of our self-protection. Most of us are not aware of this ‘mask’ or layer of personality because we often believe that this is who we are. Except that this is not true.

Who we are in our essence, this beautiful unique being, is often hidden behind the ‘mask’. Becoming aware of the different facets of the ‘mask’ or Ego can help us heal the wounds that created the ‘mask’ in the first place and recover our true identity.

In this podcast I talk about the different levels of self-awareness and how to go about gaining correct self-awareness. I also mention different ways to approach becoming aware of mask and limitations. I talk about the Enneagram system. 

– sorry about the quality of the podcast, the filtering process diminished the quality 🙁 –

Self Love

A couple of years ago, I was interviewed by a lovely host on self-love. it is one of my favourite topics because I grew up with being taught how to hate myself.  The society I grew up in was condemning and judgemental. People believed that by pointing out your faults would make you a strong and capable human being. Well, I don’t think it worked because at the age of  21 I had a nervous breakdown. This experience made me look for ‘other ways’ of becoming a strong and capable human being. I found that self-love does the trick! 🙂 

Listen to our discussion and let me know what you think.

Confidence

This morning I was thinking about confidence. We regard confidence as one of the most desired personality trait but we fail to notice how confidence was built in the first place.  Does your sense of confidence come from a place of ‘fear’ and self-defence? Or does it come from a place of ‘knowing who you are’ and connectedness of Spirit?

Listen to my thoughts here and let me know what you think.

thoughts on confidence

Why understanding oneself?

Recently I was asked why I approach spirituality from a coaching point of view. The answer is simple: You cannot know God until you know yourself. Coaching and personal development workshops/seminars are great tools to become aware of ourselves: who we are and who we are not. They are extremely important to differentiate!

Below is a blogpost I posted on another site of mine back in February. It is about the importance of self-awareness or the knowing of self in God. 

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Be a more effective leader by understanding the three horizons of self-awareness.

The stories we make up
Stories are the foundation for how we make sense of the world. We could call these judgments or beliefs as well. Imagine that you get cut off by a car on the highway. In an instant, you might feel a flash of anger. Now imagine that you pull up next to the car and notice that the situation is different from what you expected. Maybe the driver is a teenager, obviously flustered and trying to concentrate. Maybe the driver is older but in the backseat is someone who, it appears, is injured. In either case, your stories about the situation would be updated in an instant.

For better and worse, our stories form the basis for how we make sense of the world. They are our thoughts, and they help us explain how the world is, how someone else is and how we ourselves are.

To get greater self-awareness around our stories, I find it’s best to simply start writing them down. Going back to a dedicated journal or notebook, start to articulate all the stories you’re making up, trying to get curious about how true they are. In the example, one story could have been, “This person is selfish,” and another could have been, “I feel angry because I’ve been disrespected.”

Source article: How to Develop Self-Awareness and Become a More Conscious and Effective Leader Source (click)

The above, once again, reminded me of the importance of developing self-awareness. Self-awareness, however, is not only important for CEOs so they become more efficient, everyone can greatly benefit from understanding who they are and what they truly want in their lives.

Self-awareness is a skill to be learnt. As children we are discouraged to observe ourselves and know ourselves. Instead we learn to defend our wounded parts with a false-self called the Ego.

I have been walking the journey of self-awareness and God-awareness for quite some time now. Over 20 years.  I started my enquiry when I went to university, asking myself the question: Who am I? At that time, I thought that psychology held the answers to all my questions. Later, I attended various personal development and self-help courses to move from learning to applying. These seminars – Insight Seminars – helped me move beyond a mental understanding of myself and start healing and experimenting with newly discovered parts of me. Finally, I found a spiritual path – actually it is a combination of many paths – that supports me to connect with my higher-aspects, the Divinity in me that allows me to move beyond the mind and the physical. It helps me express and live a part of me that is part of ALL, that allows me to be in contact with the Divine presence, an energy field that encompasses it all. It makes me feel powerful and limitless.

Coaching assisted me to bring all this together. I keep on ‘working with myself’ as I call it on all levels, so I can keep on clearing up the clutter that hinders me from experiencing and expressing my Divinity whose source is God.

“Examine yourself & understand who you are… Whoever does not know self, does not know anything. But, whoever knows self, has acquired the knowledge of the universe.”  Jesus, Book of Thomas (Gnostic Gospels)

“Knowing others is intelligence, knowing yourself is true wisdom.”  Lao-Tzu

There are many useful tools that can support us to regain connection with ourselves.  My coaching sessions and courses that are infused with spirituality based on Unity ideas,  will take you on an artistic, creative and fun adventure within. At the end, you will arrive to a place of clarity and self-acceptance. 

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