The Forgiveness Process

When we don’t forgive and let go of the past, we keep on re-living it.

It means that each time we are in a ‘similar’ situation to the event that once caused us distress, we keep on re-living it by being reminded of that event in the present. Until we forgive and let go of what happened in the past, our responses are tinted with the emotions generated in the past. 

For example, if you had a challenging relationship with your father, it is likely that you will bring many emotions and beliefs you created as a result of that relationship about men into every relationship you have with men. You cannot see them for who they are because you place some of the beliefs and emotions created in the past on your eyes like a pair of tinted glasses.  

Forgiveness is something I call Grace-Tool for Self. Forgiveness is not about judging others’ actions and graciously ‘forgiving’ their wrong-doing. In the process of forgiveness we move through different stages until we arrive to a new level of freedom.

First, we need to accept what happened just as it was. We need clarity on it. We connect with God or the Divine Presence and embrace the experience just as we had it, as we remember it. We simply accept that this event occurred and that we were part of that experience. No blaming, no shaming.

I am aware that it is easier said than done, but without this first part of the process, forgiveness cannot happen. What you want is to remove the emotional charge from the event.

This is what I do: I say to myself:  I can see clearly what happened. This… and this… and this … happened. I stop blaming myself and others in this situation. I am ready to let it all go so I can become freer in myself and happier in my life experiences. 

When you feel, that you are aware of and in total acceptance – not making it right or justifying! –  of that particular event that you wish to forgive and release, you can move into forgiving.

Forgiving has two parts:

  1. We must forgive our participation and contribution to the event that occurred, first. I look at where I judge myself for creating the experiences for myself. I also look at the feelings and emotions I generated during the event and forgive them.  I use this sentence and fill in the end until I feel complete. “I forgive myself for judging myself for …” I look at different aspects of my ‘contribution’ to this event and my experiences of this event. I keep on doing this until I feel that the emotional charge start to dissipate.
  2.  The second part is the letting go part. I consciously move into detaching myself – mostly emotionally – from the event. I look at others’ participation, and what I blame them for. Then I consciously release the way I see their actions and participation to my destress. With that I leave the past event behind me. I say to myself: (in case someone else is involved in this event) I do not know why you did (…) and why you said (…). It is yours to handle. I acted to the best of my abilities at the time.  I detach myself from this event on all levels: mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. I accept what happened. I stop feeling a victim. There is nothing to fix or change with this event any more. I release trying to justify or making it right for myself or others.  I stop blaming myself (and you). I love myself and accept myself (and you). I release all this into the Light of Spirit and ask for total Healing.

By Grace-tool, I mean, that when forgiveness actually happens is not up to us. It is not a decision we can make. We need to keep on doing the forgiveness process until we feel the weight shifted. It is a bit like peeling an onion. When it does, we will experience a change in our responses, feelings, and actions. It is the result of forgiveness-being-done.

Until then, until the forgiveness takes place, we need to keep on going back to the past event and all the emotions, thoughts, feelings and action related to that event and keep on consciously embracing, forgiving and releasing them.

If you need support with the Forgiveness Process, please get in touch. In Loving, Rev Kudlik