God could have arranged something by now. You know, like Echart Tolle, who one day found himself enlightened. Out of the blue. The Holy Spirit could have intervened. I could have reached a relevant state of peace, I could have let go of my past, my pre-dispositions, some of my fears, I could be enlightened by now.

Obviously, that is not the plan. It has never been the plan.

There is no plan.

Nothing matters.

I can struggle as much as I want to and it still makes no difference.

God knows, regardless of my present state of being and my hard-headedness that I will return to Him one day without fail.

He smiles and laughs at my feebleness.


I miss guidance.

I am not even sure how I can miss something I have never had.

I have tried with all my might to create a relationship with God that is based upon mutuality and friendship. A connection in which God cares enough for me to send guidance so I would not stumble that much.

Well, I have failed to generate that relationship. It is probably my fault. I am not humble enough. I cannot prostrate. I expect too much.