Good or bad?

I wonder what it is like for you
Being so good an all.
You hold your head high
Smile like you were taught
Do the right things, ask the right questions
Make sure life is the way it is expected to be.

As a young girl I though I was a miracle.
I thought I was light in the dark.
I did not think of right or wrong, good or bad
I was who I am.

Then new wind started to blow
I was told I was bad because what I had done
Then suddenly I was praised for something else
I got lost
One thing I new for sure
These people make sure I am alive – they feed me and shelter me
I’d better be ‘good’

But no matter how hard I tried
I could never get it right – what I thought I did well, others always thought otherwise
So, I realized, it is easier to be bad
It was much simple to figure: there was always something somebody did not like about what I did or said -I did not even have to try too hard

I thought I won the game.
I thought I did not care any more.

I got the attention I wanted, only with a negative sign.

Good girls and bad girls are the same breed.
We both want attention, especially from a specific person.
We both pretend to be somebody else.
We both give up our authenticity in return for attention and care (love).

We despise the other,
Because we make each other look ridiculous in our great efforts for attention.

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