For not performing according to expectations.
Pain creeps in first around the joints, just as a hint of warning: it’s too much to bear, too heavy.
Then a light headache and some wake nights and the odd hollow eyes.
Finally the creaky back. The back that refuses to bend either forward or backward because decided to be give up on supporting the rest of the system that seems to be out of alignment.
In agony to do the tiniest thing; chained to flat surfaces; completely out of control in maintaining daily routine. There is lot of drama, feeling helpless, unsupported especially by self.
Please stop punishing for something that is done without conscious awareness. It is just an old habit when not meeting expectations and requests, once came from outside but not integrated within. Have compassion for the flaws, the weaknesses, the helplessness, the doomed, the confused.
Allow the time for recovery and integration. Stop pushing, just let it be at peace for a while, until regaining strength and alignment with the new waves.