Just thoughts …

I am resigned, submissive and acquiescent. I fight no more.

I can’t make a difference, what is more, I can’t even say full-heartedly that there is a need for any change. Who am I to imply that, anyway?

The meek, the blessed meek…

Why has it taken me so long to understand that it is only the meek, the submissive, the cheats and the lies can only go to heaven. The ones who try to be the good-kidz of the mighty God and become the beloved ones.

No, no, really, it is silly. God doesn’t care how good or bad you are.

Society does though. And until we are stuck here it is always going to be a human being deciding.

I know. It is all about energies. It really is. It is all about intention, the strength of your will that makes a difference in the way you are perceived.

She believes she deserve the best, the support, the loving, God’s guidance because she is a good girl, she does what she is expected of her – at least this is how she believes it to be.

In the meantime, I am angry, especially with her, though it is not her fault. She is who she is, a selfish human being like many other who is way too needy to see anything beyond herself.

And who am I to judge? In God’s realm she is just as perfect as anybody else because He only see us as loving beams of lights. Me, on the other hand, down here, I see and suffer the illusion of her acting mean, narcissistic and being liked for it. And she is liked for it because she conveys the energy of ‘deserving’, the meekness that opens hearts, the smiles … and I am angry with her because I know how fake all that. I just want to scream and say: ‘Stop it! Don’t you see that she is just a wolf pretending to be a sheep?’

I act tough, I act aggressive, I act controlling, I act confident … still I cannot act needy or narcissistic; it is just not in my vocab. No matter how hard I try and be the wolf hidden in the skin of a meek lamb … I am transparent, I am the bad girl with a weak heart for the meek…