This morning I had a thought about needs. I came to the conclusion that I put others’ needs before mines are met because I don’t think that I can meet mine (the reason behind it is different for all of us: feeling undeserving or incapable, etc.). So, by meetings others’ needs and helping them I build up an expectation that my needs should be met by them. The bottom line is that we are actually rather selfish when we meet others’ needs because our motives are not altruistic, we simply want our needs to be met.
These needs are often emotional needs. We need to feel in a certain way and so in response to doing these things for them, we receive e.g. their appreciation, a feeling of being useful, kind or special, also others’ positive feedback on our ‘help’ can make us feel strong, capable, knowledgeable, being in service, etc. And sometimes it is financial.
At the moment, I am taking care of an old lady. Though it looks like service big time, it is just not. Though I am doing my best to meet her needs – that is what I am here for – the reason behind it is simply making money. I often support others by giving them a lot of my time so they can talk about their issues. I often do not do that out of the kindness of my heart. I make myself available to them, so I will have some friends left, so I can feel important, wise, knowledgeable, etc.
Later, I started to think about service, the highest form of support, to my understanding. During my times with Insight and Essence Seminars, I often experienced myself being in service. I believe that being in service (giving unconditionally) is never about needs. Being in service means just being available. When one is truly available it is impossible to experience exhaustion or not having one’s needs met. Being in service encompasses both parties, the giver and the receiver at the same time. During the process of service, the lines get blurred between who is giving and who is receiving. The two becomes one.