Courageous vs daring

This morning I found myself contemplating fear. 

Yesterday I found myself talking about a film called Das Leben der Anderen – see the film here CLICK – and the time of my life during the socialistic regime in Hungary. I heard myself ‘blame’ the Russians for overtaking our land and our lives. I found myself enraged again about the atrocities we had to endure.

Then it suddenly occurred to me that it is not only a far, far away past that  upsets me  but none of it actually exists any more.

Why am I so upset then?

I grew up at a time of terror. We were threatened for our lives at every turn. You had to watch out not to become suspect of any wrong-doing, or you may have been reported to the ‘Stasi’. Every perceived wrong-doing could be punished by imprisonment or death.

I learnt to live with dread. I became neurotic but daring. My response to fear was to challenge those threatening and punishing me. Until one day, I decided that I had had enough and fled. 

Except that I took the now innate dread with me. Unknowing, I now held the threatening shadows inside myself. They never ceased to scare me, day and night. So, I continued running trying to flee the shadows. 

I daringly conquered all the obstacles and challenges of my life. But I failed to notice that I lacked courage; the courage to face the one ‘enemy’ that generates all the anxiety that has been lurking in my veins.

I have tried it all. I tried to fix it and forgive it. Neither could I let go of the memory of the terror I once lived. It has become part of the vivid tapestry of who I am.

What I must do, however, is face it with courage that stems from my loving embrace. I want to find the compassion within myself that holds me while I look into the eyes of the terror and say ‘I love you, regardless!’

 

The Forgiveness Process

When we don’t forgive and let go of the past, we keep on re-living it.

It means that each time we are in a ‘similar’ situation to the event that once caused us distress, we keep on re-living it by being reminded of that event in the present. Until we forgive and let go of what happened in the past, our responses are tinted with the emotions generated in the past. 

For example, if you had a challenging relationship with your father, it is likely that you will bring many emotions and beliefs you created as a result of that relationship about men into every relationship you have with men. You cannot see them for who they are because you place some of the beliefs and emotions created in the past on your eyes like a pair of tinted glasses.  

Forgiveness is something I call Grace-Tool for Self. Forgiveness is not about judging others’ actions and graciously ‘forgiving’ their wrong-doing. In the process of forgiveness we move through different stages until we arrive to a new level of freedom.

First, we need to accept what happened just as it was. We need clarity on it. We connect with God or the Divine Presence and embrace the experience just as we had it, as we remember it. We simply accept that this event occurred and that we were part of that experience. No blaming, no shaming.

I am aware that it is easier said than done, but without this first part of the process, forgiveness cannot happen. What you want is to remove the emotional charge from the event.

This is what I do: I say to myself:  I can see clearly what happened. This… and this… and this … happened. I stop blaming myself and others in this situation. I am ready to let it all go so I can become freer in myself and happier in my life experiences. 

When you feel, that you are aware of and in total acceptance – not making it right or justifying! –  of that particular event that you wish to forgive and release, you can move into forgiving.

Forgiving has two parts:

  1. We must forgive our participation and contribution to the event that occurred, first. I look at where I judge myself for creating the experiences for myself. I also look at the feelings and emotions I generated during the event and forgive them.  I use this sentence and fill in the end until I feel complete. “I forgive myself for judging myself for …” I look at different aspects of my ‘contribution’ to this event and my experiences of this event. I keep on doing this until I feel that the emotional charge start to dissipate.
  2.  The second part is the letting go part. I consciously move into detaching myself – mostly emotionally – from the event. I look at others’ participation, and what I blame them for. Then I consciously release the way I see their actions and participation to my destress. With that I leave the past event behind me. I say to myself: (in case someone else is involved in this event) I do not know why you did (…) and why you said (…). It is yours to handle. I acted to the best of my abilities at the time.  I detach myself from this event on all levels: mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. I accept what happened. I stop feeling a victim. There is nothing to fix or change with this event any more. I release trying to justify or making it right for myself or others.  I stop blaming myself (and you). I love myself and accept myself (and you). I release all this into the Light of Spirit and ask for total Healing.

By Grace-tool, I mean, that when forgiveness actually happens is not up to us. It is not a decision we can make. We need to keep on doing the forgiveness process until we feel the weight shifted. It is a bit like peeling an onion. When it does, we will experience a change in our responses, feelings, and actions. It is the result of forgiveness-being-done.

Until then, until the forgiveness takes place, we need to keep on going back to the past event and all the emotions, thoughts, feelings and action related to that event and keep on consciously embracing, forgiving and releasing them.

If you need support with the Forgiveness Process, please get in touch. In Loving, Rev Kudlik

Yom HaShoah, Remembrance Day

I am from Hungary. Today is a particularly painful day for me because of the people who were murdered as a result of antisemitism and hate-based violence during the Second World War in Hungary. Most of the murders were carried out by the fascist Arrow Cross Militia. When I think of that, I feel ashamed.

I also know that in order to heal, we must forgive and let go. We must find compassion in our hearts for ourselves and for others.

Tonight and tomorrow we Remember by lighting a candle and moving our focus from paint to peace and loving. We acknowledge the painful losses and we move our attention towards healing and Oneness. What we focus on is what we get.

It is time to heal. It is time to bring Peace and  Loving to the places where it hurts. I would like to invite you to spend the day focusing into and contemplating on lifting our consciousness out of the sphere of separation that wants retribution and revenge into Oneness that carries Compassion for all. 

It is time to heal, it is time to forgive, it is time to Love through Compassion for self and others.

Never again can only be reached through love and compassion, not by blame and hatred.

When is Yom HaShoah?

Yom HaShoah is observed on the 28th of Nisan in the Hebrew calendar, which usually falls in April or May in the Gregorian calendar. In 2024, Yom HaShoah is honored from sundown on May 5 through sundown on May 6.

Observing Yom HaShoah

Yom HaShoah gives the Jewish community and others space to reflect together on the immeasurable loss wrought by the Holocaust. Many communities observe Yom HaShoah with presentations from Holocaust survivors or their children, and—through their stories—living reminders of the exclamation, “Never again.” 

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Budapest: Shoes on the Danube Bank Memorial

The Shoes on the Danube Bank Memorial in Budapest, for the thinking and tenderhearted person, is also one of those places that will stir the heart to the very soul.  You see, this memorial was created to honor the Jews who were killed by fascist Arrow Cross militiamen during World War II.

Jews were ordered to take off their shoes and to stand at the edge of the river.  The evildoers then shot the Jews in the head and their bodies fell into the river where the current carried their bodies away.

Not unlike the German Nazis, the Arrow Cross Party was a highly nationalistic party whose objectives were to purge Hungary of those who were not descended from the region’s ancient Magyar tribes.  Between the Arrow Cross Party, and later the invading Nazis, it is estimated that up to 600,000 Jews lost their lives through outright murder in Hungary, or later being shipped to German concentration camps.

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Easter Message, a video

This is the video recording of the Spiritual Communion Service we held at Unity Daily Word UK. Rev Kabelo Letebele from Unity Johannesburg, South Africa, started the service whereas Rev Kimerie Mapletoft, Director of Silent Unity, UK introduced the program. Main speaker: Rev Ildiko Kudlik, UNITY EUROPE

(Please note that some of the songs are not shown in the program because of YouTube Copyright laws. Pls find the entire program and the songs below. )

 

EASTER SERVICE

Candle Lighting

I would like to ask you to light a candle or switch on a Candle App on your phone. As we light this candle, we remember that we have a light just like this within us. It is the unique essence of who we are. As we light the candle, we connect with this deeper part of ourselves and connect with the Divine Presence.

This song is to remind us of our loving relationship with the Divine/God.

 

The Lenten Journey

The Lenten Season is a 40-day journey of release and purification. We are getting ready to embrace a higher level of consciousness.

I walk the Lenten journey yearly now. Every year I am offered a different ‘main theme’ to work on. This year, my main learning seems to be ‘going with the flow’. I am leaning to release struggle and embrace neutrality and total acceptance of what is.

It is especially challenging for me because I am a ‘controller’. I want things the way I want them. My ideas are often flawed and limited. My life is way greater than what I can comprehend and therefore I don’t really know what’s best for me. I know what I want, and I struggle to get it because I often move ‘against’ the flow of Life. All my struggles would cease if I could just let it all go and move into Divine Order. (which is not a pre-destined fate or apathy!)

Silence and Contemplation

I would like to invite you to listen to this short mediation and contemplate on your own personal Lenten Journey: What was it like?  What have you discovered? What have you become aware of? What are the major ‘let go’s’ this year?

After listening to the meditation stay in the Silence for a while.

Forgiveness

Often as a result of looking at our shortcomings, we find ourselves wanting and so we judge ourselves. We think: “I shouldn’t have …”

I would like to invite you to remember or to read the part of the Bible that depicts the Crucifixion story in the the New Testament.

The Crucifixion of Jesus

26 As the soldiers led him away, they seized Simon from Cyrene, who was on his way in from the country, and put the cross on him and made him carry it behind Jesus. 27 A large number of people followed him, including women who mourned and wailed for him. 28 Jesus turned and said to them, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep for yourselves and for your children. 29 For the time will come when you will say, ‘Blessed are the childless women, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!’ 30 Then

“‘they will say to the mountains, “Fall on us!”
    and to the hills, “Cover us!”’[b]

31 For if people do these things when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?”

32 Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed. 33 When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. 34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”[c] And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

35 The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, “He saved others; let him save himself if he is God’s Messiah, the Chosen One.”

36 The soldiers also came up and mocked him. They offered him wine vinegar 37 and said, “If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself.”

38 There was a written notice above him, which read: this is the king of the jews.

39 One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!”

40 But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? 41 We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”

42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.[d]” (NIV Luke 23:26-43)

Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” Luke 23:43

This sentence to me is a sign of total acceptance of what is and forgiveness.

Silence and Forgiveness

Now, I would like to invite you to listen to this short meditation on Luke 23:43

After you listened to the meditation you may want to stay in the silence and remember the different things you judge yourself for, then just say:

I forgive myself for judging myself for …

Resurrection

What do you think the resurrection story about?

Can you imagine that Jesus’  resurrection story is something that happens inside of us? Jesus’s story can be understood as the story of our own consciousness. As a result of having walked the Lenten Journey, having forgiven our ‘sins’ (by sin we understand our shortcomings and error thinking)  we find ourselves on a higher altitude, on a higher level of consciousness, and in greater Oneness with the Divine Presence as well as in greater Loving within ourselves.

Song and Silence

I would like to invite you to experience ‘this higher altitude’ by listening to this song.

As we listen to the next song, I would like to invite you to close your eyes and experience being lifted …

After the song, stay in the Silence for a while. 

 

Thank you listening and spending this time with me. I hope you found the meditations and songs uplifting. I wish you a blessed Easter Holiday.